The Office of

Non-Compliance Association

Office Humor and Satire

www.OfficeMisery.com

Staff Incompetence Manager 

Note: In this position you will also be carrying out most duties of the Director of corruptive affairs. The Director is usually never to be found and highly oblivious to office relations

Duties as follows

-         You will report directly to the Director of  Corruptive Affairs, (if and when the Director can

          be found). The office Informant specialist I will act as your assistant.

-         Employee confidentiality holds no bearings with this managerial position.

-         Micro-manage and keep employees overwhelmed with unrealistic deadlines so they won't feel

          obligated to make frequent restroom visits, breaks, take lunch, or have time to blink unnecessary.

-         You will treat the office premises as if it was your own property, and nag employees on anything

          trivial that looks out of place, or bothers you for what ever reason.

-         Get familiarized with as many eager to please employees who will keep you abreast in the office.

-         Pry your subordinates for personal information so you can use it against them later on when

          needed.

-         Distribute all work duties disproportionately among your subordinate employees, including your own 

          managerial paperwork and be sure to take the credit.

-         Search employee work areas frequently and implant  'bugging' devices around the office if needed.

-         When unsure of leadership ability, periodically humiliate random employees in front of the office

          staff.

-         Take your supervisory position to a tyrannical level, never take vacation, no out office lunch, & refuse

          to retire.

-         Send employees to do your personal errands. The office can not function properly without your

          presence.

-         Always walk around the office at a fast pace with papers in your hand to give the appearance of  

          productivity.

-         Detain and meagerly handout all company office supplies as if you purchased them with your own

          money.

-         Encourage bickering, distrust and back biting among all subordinates in the office.

-         Always achieve partial and unfair decisions when dealing with employee interpersonal disputes.

-         Never take vacation, lunch breaks, and refuse to retire.

 Qualifications 

 -       Incurable urges to delegate, nag and micro-manage.

 -       Must be proficient in using reverse psychology methods.

 -       Keen ability to compose erroneous reasons to antagonize or terminate employees.

 -       Arrogance, sarcasm, lack of human compassion, and having a condescending attitude is a plus.

 -       Never take ownership to mistakes or errors. Ability to blame shift in a single bound.

 -       Delusions of adequacy. Paranoia and insecurity.

 -       Must suffer from "I never thought I'd get this far in life" syndrome.

Educational Requirements

-        None ever needed. However,  you will always be visibly paranoid about people finding this secret out.

Benefit Packages

Tormenting others to appease yourself for not having extra circular activities, a significant other, or a positive sense of worth.